I was just scrolling through photos from this week to edit (and clean off my phone) – last Monday feels like another eternity from this current moment, and I have a total conflict of feelings on that. I have conflicted feelings on many things at the moment (that is not abnormal), but writing that makes me realize that Time (oh Time!) is at the root of all of them right now. I’m closing off a crazy week of too much computer-time with a weekend filled with people I wanted to see and places I wanted to be feeling happy and satiated (thank you, leftover spagbol and just enough ice cream)… but also like death.
In one breath, I’m staring at my calendar, marking out weekends that are allocated to friends and family and races and ski days and adventures, while calculating the days in row that I’m going to be working and having a small panic attack centering around that ever-present question of ‘when am I going to do my laundry’ (…or more importantly, when am I going to have time to work on the two ideas I currently have spinning around my brain), because there are currently not enough hours in the day.
And then, in the next breath, I’m skipping ahead six months and plotting for infinity and beyond. I want 11 months to pass, because I am tired of money woes and am impatient and want to be back in control… yet I don’t want to wish that time away, because I am currently really, really enjoying each day and living in the moment, and there’s nothing I’m rushing toward. I want spring to come, because then I can go explore this area more, and my list of summer-themed adventures is growing rapidly. I don’t want the snow to melt, because I love ski-life and haven’t done nearly enough yet to warrant locking up my kit yet. I want some days of nothing, because I haven’t had ‘a day’ in ages. I want to do everything I want to do though, because there is so much to fit in.
(I don’t like conflict… of any internal or external variety.)
Anyway, last week happened, and it happened like this:
What Made Me Happy
Friday and Saturday nights, because there is a simple pleasure in doing little and having it be a lot. Also, spending Saturday exploring new snowy playgrounds with Bridget, where despite windy conditions and true Sierra Cement, we could still zigzag whooping through trees.
I also may or may not have also watched Frozen on Thursday night. Never underestimate the calming power of a Disney movie.
What Made Me Think
I watched Good Will Hunting for the first time ever (I know…), and there were so many different pieces of the film and storyline that struck so many different chords of past experiences and emotions. I don’t usually watch movies or TV and feel like I relate, but I related, in weird, unexpected ways.
What Made Me Sad
The current state of US affairs, and that Jaleh, my born and bred British amie, can no longer come visit me soon because she has dual Iranian citizenship. And that, among many other things, is ridiculous.
Also, I got stuck listening to The Lumineers’ Morning Song on repeat, and the last verse has a heartbreaking relevance, in a mixed up mash of ways.
What Made Me Laugh Hysterically (and What Made Me Chuckle)
Small, insignificant things with people that were totally in the moment hilarity and are too hard to explain.
Today, it was this totally amazing drawing I did on a napkin for my 4-year-old ski-girl. I was trying to explain how we were going to do soggy french fries that turned into a pizza. It… does not look like that.
She thought it was hilarious at least… and then she went outside and miraculously started skiing soggy french fries and giant pizzas on the actual run. She was the first child I’ve had though whose ski happiness (from then on) was motivated by giving her extended draw-on-napkins breaks.
What I Read
The Girl Who Fell from the Sky by Heidi W. Durrow. That’s a lie though. I’m not finished yet, but I’m not really hooked enough where other things have won out on reading this week.
What I Ran
40 miles, I think. It wasn’t as much as last week, and there was some quality Mt Dreadmill climbing thrown in there on Thursday night. Of note, however:
This morning repeats workout, which called for a flat stretch of ground and led me to the Truckee Airport, during a pastel and on-fire sunrise in the bitter cold. I loved every pre-breakfast moment, despite my eyelashes being frozen.
And this Friday lunch run down by the lake, on a ‘boring’ road out and back that has views of the lake just when you’ve gotten splashed with melted snow puddles one too many times. Snowy lake views made up for feeling awful (NTS: don’t eat grilled cheese right before leaving. Also, turn Slack and Bluetooth off, notifications on a watch are not necessary).
What I Learned
I owe an obscene amount of taxes this year, in addition to everything else, and I got completely screwed in all things legal-related… so let’s take the learning moment out of this as not to be such a pushover, should I ever find myself in some even remotely similar situation (…which will never, ever happen).
On a more serious, practical learning note, I was on-call (again) for work this week, and despite it being chaos, I actually walked away feeling like I had a much better understanding of some more backend-y things that I’ve never had to really deal with before.
On a more emotion-related, self-betterment note, I learned that my whole wake up at 6, run over lunch, work till normal end time schedule is the only one that keeps me from bouncing around the house ready to explode with excess energy at 4pm.
What I’m Working On
Alex needed headshots taken this week, so we trotted up to the village before the day started to act totally natural in ski-chic attire and poses. We laughed at the ridiculousness of it… but I had a blast taking actual people-shots and am scheming how to do more of it.
That’s all, y’all. Sunday. February. Conflicts of time. May this coming week be filled with more sleep, smiling faces and beautiful places.